Intentional parenting is a concept that gets overlooked today. It is exactly what it sounds like; “parenting with intent.” Many parents are just “making it through the day” with their children rather than taking each day as an opportunity to be building their character and teaching them life lessons. Why are parents just “making it through the day?” One likely reason is that they don’t have their life in the optimal state. In other words “they don’t have their shit together.” What does that mean? It means perhaps they don’t have finances in order such that there’s financial worry present. Or perhaps they don’t have their diet in order to promote a healthy, sustainable lifestyle. Perhaps they aren’t disciplined to do the things that must be done, or their priorities aren’t in an ideal order. Whatever the case may be, there are things hindering their life such that they aren’t able or willing to devote their time and energy to intentionally shaping their children.
So what happens because of this? Well, to put it simply, if parents don’t have their shit together, they can’t possibly raise kids that have their shit together. Will the kids eventually figure life out? They might. And they might not. The point here is that wouldn’t it be much better if parents gave their kids every opportunity for success in life? Wouldn’t it be better if instead of parents worrying about their own affairs day-to-day they could focus on developing their kids to the fullest extent possible?
At this point you may be wondering what explicitly is meant by intentional parenting. One example is constantly teaching your child new things, and asking them a day later if they remember what they learned, and then praising them if they do. This is bigger than just learning individual concepts; this is about instilling a love for learning. Another example is if they get scared of something; tell them why they shouldn’t be afraid. Praise them for showing bravery; and a day or so later revisit the situation and see if they are braver than they were before. If they are, praise them and tell them they are brave and fearless. These words aren’t just encouragement; they are literally shaping their character. Words spoken out loud do in fact help shape reality.
Another thing parents do a lot with bugs or snakes is say “eww” or act scared when they see one. It’s fine if you’re scared, but don’t make your kid walk down your same exact path and inherit your fears. Suck it up, give the kid an honest chance to not be afraid and quite frankly, be braver than you. Also, encourage them to be leaders. Make them lead you to an item in the grocery store. Walk some trails and encourage them to be the leader. Praise their leadership. Make them figure things out. If a toy is broke, ask them what they would do to fix it.
Life’s not fair and not everyone has the same opportunity to have their life together, and that’s understood. However, for every person that does get their life in order there’s an opportunity to parent with intent and mold your children into respectable men and women who positively contribute to society. On the other hand, for those who are not parenting with intent and just making it through the day, perhaps their kids never get their life in order and thus the cycle continues.
If you’re fortunate to have your life in order, please realize this and do your part to parent with intent such that you can positively shape your kids and the world. If you are a parent that is just making it through the day, consider addressing the issues that are stopping you from parenting with intent and giving your kids a head-start on the path to a successful, fulfilling life.