I’m selfish. I admit it. Most people label “selfish” as a negative trait. It can be; but when used correctly it can actually lead to more happiness for everyone. It’s a fine line really. Too much selfishness results in negativity from other people’s perspective. Too little and it results in negativity from your perspective.
My priorities for myself are sleep, diet, physical fitness, relaxation, and fun, usually in that order. If I come up relatively short on any one of those things in a day my mood deteriorates. Let’s use an example over several days. Day 1 I got a lot of sleep, ate good, got a work-out in, relaxed a bit, and had a little fun with the family. I’m happy. Let’s assign a numerical value on a scale of 1 – 10, 10 being fully happy. That day, I’m a 10. Day 2 I got a lot of sleep, ate good, worked out, relaxed a tiny bit, and had no fun interaction with the family. I’m slightly less satisfied and my happiness went down to a 9. Day 3 I got a lot of sleep, ate fair, skipped a workout since my family asked me to go shopping, which isn’t relaxing to me so I didn’t relax and didn’t have fun. My happiness has now slipped to a 7. Day 4 I didn’t get my preferred amount of sleep, ate good, missed another workout because I had family obligations, didn’t relax and didn’t have much fun at all. Now my mood is a 5, since it compounded on the not-so-good day before also. Now, keep in mind that on this day I had a family obligation. What did my family get out of me? They got me when my mood was at 5. They got half of what I consider to be “me.” So most likely, the time spent with family was not good for me, and it wasn’t great for them either because I wasn’t the best version of myself.
You may say “can’t you just suck it up and put on a happy face for the sake of your family?” Sure you can. But you can only do that for so long. It’s the same concept with going to work and putting on a happy face. Sure you can do it, but it can be exhausting. So if after day 5 I’m at a level of 5, you better believe that on day 6 I’m saying no to everything and taking some “me” time. Once day 6 is over and I selfishly took time to sleep, eat right, work out, relax, and enjoy, I come back as a 10 for day 7. Then the cycle repeats. The idea isn’t to be selfish to the point where you get to do what you want every day in order to be a 10; rather the idea is to get your average around perhaps an 8 or so. If you’re a 10 everyday, chances are you’re being too selfish and everyone notices. If you’re a 5 or below everyday you are giving way too much of yourself and your time to other people and you are not taking enough time to keep yourself happy . And in turn, people are likely getting less out of interacting with you since you’re likely moody, irritable and generally unhappy for the time being.
Selfishness has a fine line. You’ve got to keep in mind that if you’re giving up too much of what’s important to you, others won’t be getting the best possible version of you. You can put on a mask and pretend for while, but if you do that too long you become a ticking time bomb that is going to explode at some point. The fine line is keeping your average happiness at an acceptable level. You owe that to everyone and everyone owes it to you. Learn to say “no” in order to make time for yourself. It’s very likely most people won’t understand it. But they don’t have to, only you do; and you understand that it’s better for you and them if you keep yourself happy.